Today is my best day. July 24, 1988 was a huge turning point in my life. Today, twenty years later, I am filled with appreciation that I embraced a new life for myself. Want the gory details? Look at this post from July, 24, 2007.
Where would I be if I hadn’t had an epiphany on that bus twenty year ago?
Not writing, I’m sure. My creative processes were severely quashed in my first marriage. Second-hand smoke pervaded my world. Smoke causing blindness and fear.
Childless. I knew better than to make babies with my first husband. What kind of mother would raise her child around bongs, cocajina scales, mayhem and foolishness? Not I.
Without love. Twenty years ago today I fell in love with my husband. He was in a relationship. I was still married. It took us two years to get our acts together. We had our first “official” date (I’m not mentioning the few unofficial dates we had between August 4th, the day I kicked my ex-husband out and September 28, 1989. We were naughty) in February, 1990. We were engaged two weeks later. Married within six months. We had a daughter in May, 1992. I love and appreciate him. He is the catalyst for my creative flow, my best friend, my greatest supporter and still chases me around the house after 18 years of marriage.
Without hope. My first husband was a determination-destroyer. Would I still be chanting had I not kicked him out? He used to throw shoes at me while I chanted. Would I have given up and succumbed to his addictions? I used to chant every day for his happiness and protection. I was so afraid of being a widow when I was married to my first husband. He was soooo reckless. July 24, 1988 I realized that I did not love him. I did not want to partake in the worship of his god (marijuana). I did not want to live on the outskirts of his drug culture in my own home any longer. I did not want to work three jobs to support us while he dropped acid with his buddies instead of going to work. July 24, 1988, I knew I wanted to practice Buddhism with my whole heart. I knew I needed to make drastic changes in my life–and that meant removing myself from the hell of my home life. July 24, 1988, I knew that I was in love with another man, and that even though we hadn’t even touched, kissed or done anything more than talk to each other at that point, he was going to be my husband.
True love should be transformative, a process that amplifies our capacity to cherish not just one person but all people. It can make us stronger, lift us higher and deepen us as individuals. Only to the extent that one polishes oneself now can one hope to develop wonderful bonds of the heart in the future.
I am so appreciative that I am where I am. I have a great day job. I have a climbing career in the romance novel industry. I recently had two fabulous writing partners to work with on an anthology. My daughter is proud, independent and strong. My husband is gentle, handsome and is chanting as I type this…
Thank you all protective functions of the universe for moving my smoke-blinded life into the light!
Because I appreciate YOU, too, I’m going to give away two ebooks from the Darragha Collection today to two posters who drop by and share their appreciation of life with me today.
Thank you!
Darragha
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I am amazed and all aflutter. I never new the history, although I have always known you as a strong woman. I am proud to call you friend and wish you luck and love in all of your adventures.
Congratulations it takes strength to change our lives and i’m glad you are still happy so many years later. I hope your life keeps going in the directions you want it to
I appreciate life in the form of all the strong women I have met in person and on-line who have been able to find what is truly important in their lives and grab onto it with both hands.
BTW, “mayhem and foolishness”? Are you a frequent watcher of Clean House?
Mayhem and foolishness. Yes. Niecy soooo describes my prior life. I love Clean House. Darragha likes that go-to guy
Darragha’s husband likes how Niecy looks in her clothes 
Congratulations on taking the chance to make a change and having it be successful. It’s an inspiration to others in bad relationships and/or situations.
I believe all women have the strenght and will power to change their
lives for the better. I too have struggled to get where I am today.
I must say my childrens lives became better when I decided to go
back to school to get a degree and to better my self. I sadly have
not found someone to share my life with that is worthy of me, as of
yet anyway, but there is always hope. We women need to stick
together and offer help in any capacity that we can. Well that’s
my philosophy anyway.
From where I was then, to where I am now…bloody amazing.
I used to dream about writing.
Now I do it.
I used to dream about my clothes not smelling like smoke (of all kinds).
Now they’re fresh.
I used to dream about not being pushed around, beaten down and called really, really bad names (B,C,W–you figure them out).
Now I am loved, safe and spoiled.
I am filled with appreciation. Even on days my checking account is low, my daughter is calling me “MOTHER” and my husband is, well…being a husband…I chant appreciation for all of it.
Congratulations on turning your life around and Happy Anniversary because thats what it is!! I wish you the best of luck, with your writing and your family, but the way it sounds you don’t need it. You have your husband and your daughter!
I am honored and proud to know there are women like you who have overcome adversity and like a phoenix “risen from the ashes”. You are truly a role model for all of us. Thank you for sharing your story!
Wow, I’m standing (actually sitting) in awe of you lady. What a brave thing to take your life back! I’m at a crossroads now in life and hope that I can look back many years from now and be grateful of what I’ve been through. It is said the tough times really make us stronger. You are proof of that.
Darr,
This is an awesome story! Many of us didn’t get it right the first time. Heck, I didn’t even get it right the second time! But my third marriage is just as happy today as 18 years ago when we met and fell in love. Thank goodness for the powers that be in the universe which take us to those we’re meant to be with if we’re willing to follow our hearts.
Hugs,
Your “LAW sister” Ash
Crossroads are scary, because that’s where we have to make a decision.
Decision-making can pull us right out of our comfort zone. Even when our comfort zone is a cage. Sometimes it’s less scary in the cage because, no matter how bad it is, it is familiar.
Here’s to breaking free, sprouting upward, shaking off the dust, moving on, rocking on and living joyfully!
Congratulations on making so many positive changes in your life. You are a very strong woman, and I admire you for the steps you took to get yourself where you knew you needed to be.
I really congratulation you on not letting things get you down. On moving forward to better yourself no matter what. For keeping your eyes on a goal and not wavering. It takes a lot of courage and faith to keep going when life gets hard and you’ve certainly proved you have that and more. Here’s hoping that life just keeps getting better for you and yours.
I am so glad you made such a positive choice it is great to read about someone making such big successful change in their life. I am about to do the same as in less than 2 weeks I will be having gastric bypass and become healthier, take less medicine, exercise (joined a fitness center) and be smaller than I have been in many many years.
Congratulations on a life well lived. If I could go back twenty years, I know a few things would have been different, but I guess the negative in life just makes us stronger as individuals, as long as we don’t let it break us down.
Michelle! I had lap-band surgery last September. I’m so glad I did! Congrats on your pending surgery!
Darr
I have heard tidbits of stories here and there but I never really knew anything about you. I DO know that you and your husband are both inspiring and I wish to give you thanks. Thank you for helping me when I needed it. You may not have known it at the time, but you have helped on the path of clearing up my life. So thank you again, and I would like you to know that I am proud to have known all of you and I wish you the most happiness on your day of rejoicing.
Congrats on all of your positive changes!
I have made a few positive changes, but still need to make some more. One day at a time!
Thank you for joining me today. Lisa and Teri are the lucky winners.
Darragha
I was there 20 years ago. All that you say about husband #1 is totally correct (if anything, understated!). I worried and worried about you, but couldn’t interfere in your learning process. (I was going through my own learning curve….it was pretty yucky too…)
20 years later: Life is good. We are strong. Your daughter is beautiful. I’m so glad you found me on facebook a few days ago, and I’m glad you are happy now. So am I.
Happy Anniversary of your Best Day! and I’m so glad you made the changes you did.
Your story is a light for many who still live in darkness. It takes strength of will and determination to change one’s life and you have that in plenty! I hope that you and your husband will continue to appreciate and enjoy life in the years ahead.