Nineteen years ago today I was sitting on a bus, riding home from Portland, wondering what the Hell I was doing with my life. I’d been acting as a “people mover” for a Fife and Drum Corps and Brass Band composed of 600 twelve to eighteen year olds. It was very late at night. The kids were sleeping. All around me the other adults on the bus were chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo softly. I’d been practicing Buddhism for about five years at that point. We’d just held a large festival in Portland. I’m a member of the SGI-USA.
I was sitting next to a young man I’d gone to high school with. He joined the Army right out of school, so we didn’t meet up again for for several years. We both showed up at the same SGI-USA meeting a few months prior to the Portland convention. Someone in their infinite wisdom figured Denny and I would make a good team for chaperoning the kids. I thought he was the most handsome man I’d ever seen in my life. Problem was: I was married.
I’d been married to the wrong man for five years. I lived in an abusive relationship, where my husband often chose reckless behavior, alcohol and drugs over our relationship. I’d been chanting for this guy’s happiness and protection (to which he chucked shoes at me while I was chanting putting big holes in our apartment interior doors). Our relationship was not unlike Tina Turner’s marriage as shown in the movie “What’s Love Got to Do With It?”
So, here I was, sitting on a bus, wondering what I’m going to do when I get home. Well, first things first–my ex-husband would want me to partake in his constant worship of the cannabis plant. He’d probably greet me at the door with his bong in hand. No, “Hi, honey, how was the convention?” But rather a, “Wanna get stoned? No? You don’t? Well f*** y**.” He would often become verbally abusive, calling me, c**t, b**ch, wh**e, when I declined his offers to “worship” with him–if you get my meaning.
Here I am a non-smoker, who married a tobacco and weed addict, who was never more than a few steps away from his ciggies or his bong. Lesson learned: do not marry the first man who says he loves you, especially when the surprise he has for you is pot drying on his dashboard in the sun. I was hoping for chocolate, you know? Like…what was I thinking?
Back to the bus: as I listened to the soft chanting around me, I suddenly realized that I didn’t want to be around drugs or the lifestyle I had fallen into any longer, I didn’t love my husband, and all I really wanted to do was practice Buddhism with my whole heart. And then there was this big guy sitting next to me who really turned my cookies. But he was in a relationship, too. He, however, I found out later, was just as attracted to me as I was to him.
As I chanted softly, embracing the truth of my situation, a brilliant light filled my life–I don’t know how else to describe it. I suddenly understood the phrase, “absolute freedom from the Law of Cause and Effect” and knew what I needed to do. Had I been a Christian, I would have said, “I was delivered from my sufferings” at that moment. I needed to tell the husband that it was the drugs or me and it was time for him to choose.
I returned home and told my husband just that: it was either he go to treatment and save our marriage or he could leave and go live with his brother and they could smoke dope and play video games all day together. He chose to leave. That was quite a blow having a man choose marijuana over me, but hey…it all worked out.
Flash forward from July 24, 1988 to February 12, 1990. I picked up that handsome man, Denny, and gave him a ride as he was walking in the rain. Seems he and his girlfriend had split up and he was living at his brother’s house. In the parking lot of the store he was heading for, we kissed. We haven’t stopped since.
Two weeks after we officially started dating we were engaged. Six months after that, August 11, 1990, we were married. Eighteen months after that we had a baby. And we’re still chanting, still loving and still going strong.
Early in our marriage, we chanted together for the happiness of our ex’s and that our relationship would be beneficial for everyone concerned. Denny’s ex-girlfriend married a very nice man within a few months of our marriage. My ex husband went to treatment!
I am married to my mate from the infinite past. I survived a terrible first marriage to see the light at the end of the tunnel and now I stay in that light, baby!
Today, July 24th, is the day I consider my personal Independence Day.
So…answer me this:
Who wrote this: True love should be transformative, a process that amplifies our capacity to cherish not just one person but all people. It can make us stronger, lift us higher and deepen us as individuals. Only to the extent that one polishes oneself now can one hope to develop wonderful bonds of the heart in the future.
Today’s winner will receive a download of my novel, The Orca King.
Please post your replies.
Thank you!
Darragha
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